Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
