I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
It was confusing and full of hummus
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize