I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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