Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
