I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
