so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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