Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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