i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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