Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
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