True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
