yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I was not drunk enough for that final.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
