woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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