So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
