Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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