with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
