we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
