your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
