So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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