Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
