Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
