you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
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