ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
