hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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