i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
