I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
