We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
