kristin has been a bad kristin
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
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Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
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WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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