my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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