omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
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the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
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We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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