chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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