I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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