thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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