I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
