Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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