i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
