I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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