I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
should my penis look like a turkey
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
