its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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