he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
