Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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