i'm lost and i look like a hooker
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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