I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize