Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
