Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
