I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
