ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
