How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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