At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
