ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
