The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
