Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
