i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
