I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
