Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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