girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
