Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
