I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
In other news, I just burned my penis
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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