Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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