4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
