If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
