Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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