I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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