She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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