Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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