what if every blade of grass was a penis?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
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