So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
