All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
