So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
